Screw it, we’ll talk about Albert after all.

Prince Albert II that is, His Serene Highness The Prince of Monaco.

The media are doing somersaults over this and I have no idea why.

Because it’s Monaco? Are they aware that the Grimaldis are not generally looked benevolently upon by their royal peers? Do they know that this wedding will be a balance act of the royal houses of Europe? Oh right, no one cares. The media’s all about the glamour and the bling.


Fine. A few facts:

Charlene Wittstock, no matter if you want to call her a gold digger or crass or whatever (because for now I don’t about that at all, and I haven’t been reading up on her so I won’t form an opinion on that), is 20 years younger than Albert. Which in and by itself would be acceptable, especially for someone who’s known to be womanizing like Albert. Doesn’t mean I condone it, but hey, whatever he wants to do with his life, that’s fine.

Although someone should talk to him about the usage of condoms, so he doesn’t father children left and right. (No, I don’t believe the two he has acknowledged are the only ones running around.)

In other words, Miss Wittstock will – in all likelyhood and disregarding accidents – survive Albert considerably.

Should those two have children, it is not unlikely that these children will be minors when they father passed away (remember, by the time any child could be born Albert will be 55 years old at the very least, plus another twenty puts him at 75 at the child’s majority and that is not yet taking into consideration the fact that any child of theirs will have to complete some kind of (higher) education). And if that wasn’t traumatic by itself, the first born child (or the first born boy as Monaco practises male preference primogeniture), that child will be Prince (or Princess) of Monaco at the tender age of 18, if they are really unlucky.

Who the fuck would want a monarch of that age? No education, no experience no nothing. I really can’t see why a considerable portion of people (and the media of course) want to see the two of them have children.

And no, that has nothing to do with the fact that I think Andrea Casiraghi would make a good Prince, because while I think he would, I don’t wish it onto him. If he can get away, he should make his escape. Go to South America or something. That said, I wouldn’t even want to see Andrea on that throne yet, and he’s 26 and has completed his education. But he’s lacking a lot of experience, still.

Which is another point: Albert has no head for politics. He doesn’t really care for it, he couldn’t care less about a lot of matters. There’s the humanitarian side, of course, but that’s always only one thing. While Monaco nominally has a government, that government is essentially just the elongated arm of Albert, they execute his wishes. The Prince of Monaco has political weight to throw around, and having someone on the throne now who couldn’t care less is a problem, imagine having someone inexperienced and naive on there for the next, oh I don’t know, fifty to seventy years. Everything that Albert’s father has worked for will go down the drain and Monaco will be what it’s been before: A bare rock with nothing to rely on but gambling.

None of the siblings showed much of a head for politics, Albert was more interested in sports and women, Caroline has three marriage under her belt, of which one ended in the death of her husband, and had three, later four children to raise, and Stephanie suffered psychological trauma when her mother died. Caroline has turned out to still be the most sensible and I have to say, I’m surprised by that.

If you need proof, take a look at Monaco’s financial situation even before the crisis hit. I’ll tell you this much: It’s devastating.

And if all of that wasn’t enough, think of all the things you know about Monaco. Think of all the things you’ve ever heard about Monaco. Now imagine raising children in that madhouse. Imagine how they will have to turn out, without their own fault, too. You want to do that to any child? You want to do that to a future monarch? There’s more reason than a dead husband that made Caroline remove her children from there in the early 1990’s.

Albert is known to rush into decisions, further bolstered by the fact that he only called his jeweller the morning of the engagement announcement for a ring and the poor man had to fly in from his vacation. Just the most recent example.

Actually no, scratch that. The most recent example is the fact that he rescheduled the wedding by a week, because he hadn’t taken into account an IOC meeting he (and Miss Wittstock) ‘had’ to attend the weekend of the actual date. Oops. So much for honeymoon, then.

One more point about children: Miss Wittstock had a boob job, I think about six months ago. If you were planning on children at any point within the next few years, why not get the boob job after? That way you save yourself from at least one surgery.

It’s not that I don’t wish Albert happiness, I’m just sceptical he’ll find it. It feels a lot like he’s just marrying her because he needs to divert attention for one, and for two because he promised he would marry some day and now seems to be as good a time as any. It seems more and more like the wrong motives and these ‘royalty experts’ the media are spewing up are annoying me to no end, as they don’t even have their facts straight on most occasions.

So much for the Albert and his impeding marriage.